kar's dumb ref blog. watch me forget about this entirely for weeks on end.
Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"
Witness: "I only have one, you know."
Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?"
Witness: "By death."
Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?"
Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?"
The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.
Lawyer: "What is your date of birth?"
Witness: "July 15th."
Lawyer: "What year?"
Witness: "Every year."
Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"
Witness: "Gucci sweats and Reeboks."
Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"
Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask."
Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?"
Witness: "Er...his face."
Lawyer: "This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?"
Lawyer: "And in what ways does it affect your memory?"
Witness: "I forget."
Lawyer: "You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?"
Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living with you?"
Witness: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."
Lawyer: "How long has he lived with you?"
Witness: "Forty-five years."
Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?"
Witness: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"
Lawyer: "And why did that upset you?"
Witness: "My name is Susan."
Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
Lawyer: "What happened then?"
Witness: "He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'"
Lawyer: "Did he kill you?"
Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--"
Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."
Lawyer: "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
Lawyer: "So you were gone until you returned?"
Lawyer: "The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?"
Lawyer: "Were you alone or by yourself?"
Witness: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
Lawyer: "Was this a male or a female?"
Lawyer: "I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture."
Witness: "That's me."
Lawyer: "Were you present when that picture was taken?"
Lawyer: "Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?"
Lawyer: "Do you know how far pregnant you are now?"
Witness: "I'll be three months on November 8."
Lawyer: "Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?"
Lawyer: "What were you doing at that time?"
Lawyer: "She had three children, right?"
Lawyer: "How many were boys?"
Lawyer: "Were there girls?"
Lawyer: "You say that the stairs went down to the basement?"
Lawyer: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
Lawyer: "What is your brother-in-law's name?"
Lawyer: "What's his first name?"
Witness: "I can't remember."
Lawyer: "He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?"
Witness: "No. I tell you, I'm too excited." (rising and pointing to his brother-in-law) "Nathan, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name!"
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?"
Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?"
Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?"
Lawyer: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
Witness: "All my autopsies have been performed on dead people."
Lawyer: "Were you acquainted with the deceased?"
Witness: "Yes sir."
Lawyer: "Before or after he died?"
Lawyer: "When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?"
Other Lawyer: "Objection. That question should be taken out and shot."
Lawyer: "And what did he do then?"
Witness: "He came home, and next morning he was dead."
Lawyer: "So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?"
Lawyer: "Could you see him from where you were standing?"
Witness: "I could see his head."
Lawyer: "And where was his head?"
Witness: "Just above his shoulders."
Lawyer: "Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?"
Witness: "The victim lived."
New York City, NY: tourists, gay, tourists, peanuts, FUCKING TOURISTS
Michigan: that lake place
Florida: DISNEY WORLD and those other parks
San Francisco, CA: gay, Princess Diaries, That's So Raven
Montana and the Dakotas: population of cows exceeds that of humans
New Jersey: garden state my ass
Vermont: Canada on drugs
Dallas, TX: stereotypical south
New Orleans, LO: alcohol, fried donuts, jazz music (the place to be)
Philadelphia, PA: Cream Cheese, beat anyone who calls it "the city," fair chance of being mugged
Las Vegas, NV: WHITE PEOPLE MAKING SHITTY DECISIONS
Los Angeles, CA: traffic not worth the possibility of spying a celeb
Kentucky: not enjoyable at all, two stars would not recommend
Maine: how are you even a part of the US?
Chicago, IL: everyone has a gun so don't piss us off
Minnesota: t-shirts and shorts when it's below zero
Pennsylvania: Hershey chocolate, no we're not all Amish, liberty bell, constitution, declaration of independence, will smith, ben franklin
Tennessee: Isn't this the same as kentucky
Massachusetts: No we are not just martha's vineyard or cape cod we are massachusetts that is why we are not called martha's vineyard or cape cod
Maryland: NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENS HERE OH MY GOD
Connecticut: Hey...Hey guys? We still exist. OH YEAH AND WE ARE ALL FUCKING RICH AND OWN THREE HOUSES AND A YACHT AND A PRIVATE JET SO KISS MY ASS.
Arkansas: Canada of the South.
Seattle,WA: Starbucks,you will get mugged, rainy hipsters.
Rhode Island: 70% of the population is hispanic 9% Cape Verde and black 21% white/euro we know everyone and are 80% ghetto 19% rich 1% otaku. How are we close to Mass and Conn????
Buffalo: Real chicken wings (not that gooey crap and no don't call them buffalo wings), Niagara Falls, we're all actually pretty polite drivers and wave you through, and YES WE KNOW WE HAVE HORRIBLE SPORTS TEAMS AND OUR CITY LOOKS LIKE SHIT. AND YOU NEED SNOW TIRES.
Georgia: peaches and rednecks
Kansas: boring place boring people and westboro baptist church
St. Louis, MO: Yeah sweet the arch and the cardinals and no wait what are you doing don't go east don't gO EAST DON'T GO EAST
Pittsburgh, PA: Seems boring and smoggy. Kind of is, but Jesus Shimmering Christ WE HAVE THE FUCKING CARNEGIE SCIENCE CENTER DO YOU HAVE THE GODDAMN CARNEGIE SCIENCE CENTER NO YOU DO NOT oh also hipsters
Indiana: DO YOU LIKE CORN? DO YOU LIKE CARS? DO YOU LIKE METH LABS?
Ohio: Get out while you still can. Don't worry about me. Save yourself.
North Carolina: DID SOMEONE SAY RACING
- ¡viva la vida!
- #They Don’t Know About Us
- +marauders maps themes
- ♔ VILLIANZ
- ✃ インドネシア! ✃
- Aerou ✭
- am i sane or am i crazy?
- be brave, be fierce
- bonfires of trust
- both happy and sad
- butterflies and hurricanes Ϟ
- c o c o r i n i ☂
- come along, pond
- DISTRICT 3
- don’t use your heart, it only makes you slow
- e v a e o n
- Ettudis [v20] My Love
- Even the darkest night will end.
- every now and then the stars align
- Free Hentai Streaming
- g y a p o
- Glamorous Dreams Themes
- Glamorous Dreams Themes
- Glorious Pond.
- H A R U Z I E . C O M - TUMBLR THEMES AND TUTORIALS
- H O S H I
- hold your breath and count to ten
- I don’t frequent cafes
- I howl when we’re apart
- i must have loved you a lot
- I T S A C R I M E T H E M E
- I’ll go with you…
- i’m everywhere bitches.
- i’ve got a war in my mind
- it’s a melody, it’s a final cry, it’s a symphony.
- JBAM THEMES
- Juurou Themes
- little birds can remember
- living on borrowed time
- Lucas Makes Themes
- maytheodds themes
- Mcpoyles Themes.
- moved to mshiddles
- My chosen one.
- not a “tit” blog
- O V E L I A S themes
- perhaps you are the one that is mad
- pieces of SEVEN
- r a m y e o n s
- Rawrdianna’s Pastebin - Pastebin.com
- rebuild the kingdom
- red thread of fate。
- RedFox Themes
- seared onto my hearts;
- sing for the lion and lamb
- sleepy themes
- team #niall
- The girl who can
- The good are never easy, the easy never good.
- the images stuck in my head
- The Truth Lies Harder Beneath
- Themes by Affecting You
- themes by alpacasex
- themes by atonals
- Themes by Baudelaired
- Themes by bluntstatements
- themes by escapetothemoon
- Themes by Glowstick
- themes by pistachi-o
- themes by robyn
- this is a sad song
- Through the Briars
- to love is to destroy.
- Tumblr Themes
- Tumblr Themes by Haruzie
- until the very end.
- VILLE NOIRE THEMES
- war, terrible war
- we could release a single
- what you lack most
- wings wouldn’t help you
- yes, please.
- you can’t be blamed for the way you feel
- you gave me hope。
- you were safe. you died loved
- yukoki’s themes
- ZIOUS ☲
- zuvia themes
- мαηαтσρια тнεмεs
- 행 복 한
Added more. I’m not sure if all of these are up to date but here you go!